even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
