i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
