i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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