i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
