I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
