I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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