The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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