Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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