i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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