i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
