I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
