Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
