I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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