what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
