Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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