Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
