I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
