either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
