Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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