I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
