So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
