The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
