Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
