God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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