it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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