I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
