while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
