I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize