I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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