i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
