HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
