While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
