if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
