Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
