I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
