dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
