She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
