i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
