in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want a musical about memes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
