The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
