just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
