ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
