took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
