i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
