so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
