He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is classic penis vs brain.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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