He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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