I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
