after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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