i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
