What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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