I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
