He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
