thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
