you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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