i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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