My liver just broke up with me...
I will die if light touches me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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