a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
