I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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