Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
