I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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