My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
