Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
