i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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