Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Randomize
