My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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