The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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