Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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