porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
