do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
