Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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