scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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