I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
