Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
