So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
