and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
