She's JV to your varsity
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
