Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
