On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
