1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
