it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
