I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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