so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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