Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
