i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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